The anatomy of a breakup

Friendship Breakups!

By Anushka

We all have friends in our life, some of them close and others closer to a mutual acquaintance rather than friends per say. They all play a significant role in our lives. Friends are people who we open up to and share our inner thoughts and feelings to. We lay our souls bare completely and willingly, making ourselves vulnerable to the other person. And nothing feels better than ranting and gossiping with friends, I mean can you name something more therapeutic ? It's basically like going to a therapist who is available to us 24/7 without any costs! I mean, in this economy! Can you even imagine? 

My English teacher has a saying that she loves to repeat “you are the five people you surround yourself with”. So, it's safe to say that friends play a vital role in shaping our personalities and also our individual outlooks and thoughts on certain matters and things. They become a part of us, our personality and our lives. So it's given that when a friend breaks a friendship or the friendship gradually ends due to various reasons, you are bound to experience a wide range of complex feelings. 

Why does a friendship breakup happen in the first place? Well a friendship can end due to various factors and reasons. It can so happen that a friendship comes to an end due to the lack of mutual interests or forming of new interests. Maybe it broke due to a misunderstanding between the two friends or simply a series of events that perhaps at the time one part failed to notice taking place. It can also take place due to feelings of betrayal and lack of trust between the two friends. There are numerous reasons for the cause of a failed friendship, and many times one may never even get to know the reason or even understand or agree with it at all. 

Friendship breakups happen very unexpectedly and are quite sudden. Thus they can leave one party or both in some cases very overwhelmed. One day your friendship feels like the opening song of friends “I'll be there for you” and the next day you are listening to the Reputation album on repeat. You may even go through all five stages of grief, denial, anger, bargaining, sadness and acceptance. Feelings of insecurity, sadness, loneliness and even loss in sense of self are some common psychological aftereffects that one may experience after a friendship breakup. It's important during this period of time for you to go and talk about what you are feeling with your other people, i.e., your existing stronger friendships and lean on them a bit while you give yourself time to heal from the hurt caused by the broken bond. I am sure we all have gone through various friendship breakups in our lives but  they have been so normalised and pushed under the rug with people saying that it's a part of life and that you shouldn’t let it affect you, we often end up ignoring the hurt and doubt that are caused by the broken friendship. Any kind of breakup or loss in your life deserves time to heal. Losing a friendship not only can negatively impact all the memories associated with the person, it can also plant a very deep scar on your self confidence and ability to maintain existing friendships. 

Another big aspect of friendship breakups is most obviously the effect it can have with your pre-existing friendships and ultimately your daily life too. It can so happen that the ex-friend was someone with whom you shared many common friend groups or had a lot of mutual friends with. In this scenario you can end up feeling more hurt as while you are processing the end of your friendship with the person, you also have to see them more often than you would like. In situations like these it’s best for you to set your boundaries straight and surround yourself with good friends. 

A lot of times, friendship breakups can lead to bad blood(pun intended) between the two parties involved in it. Sometimes, it so happens that the ex-friend gets a little too mean and well toxic and starts passing snarky and targeted comments to you, starts spreading rumours about you and starts telling other people to stop being friends with you. When this happens it is very important that you make your boundaries very clear to your ex-friend. Because what they are ultimately trying to do is to make you feel inferior and feed into your growing insecurity, which is in other words, bullying. Then is also the time that you understand that the other person has no plans of patching up or talking things out and decide to let them go .

It’s difficult to move on, whether it be from a romantic relationship or a friendship. When it takes place, it does end up affecting all the memories associated with the person and ends up being a sore point for a considerable amount of time. So it is important to find closure. A closure can be yelling in a parking lot, crying in your room or with your family and friends or even deleting any evidence of the person from your life. It can be having an honest talk with the person or writing to them. In the end it’s what helps you walk out of the ruined friendship and close a chapter in your life with you feeling content and having peace of mind. 

In the end it is always important to understand that even if you might want to go back in time and stop the event from taking place, it did take place and nothing can be changed about it. As Priyanka Chopra once said, “I don't read my book backwards”. Everything in life happens for a reason, so my dearest, wonderful readers don’t read your books backwards and open a new chapter of your life. After all there are in fact 806.19 crore people in our world.